Barking Online

in tutorials about how to use minecraft data and resource pack features , some people really like to show off code generators with dropdowns that provide all of fields and options , apparently make super simple and easy .

personally , absolutely hate generators like that . for some reason , find much harder to use than if just type everything out by hand . which must sound like absolute nonsense - generators can come with all kinds of useful information , previews , and pretty much guarantee no more brace and bracket mistakes . 

maybe that is problem for kossai - too much information . if need to figure out how to do something , would rather just dig into whole example files and piece together from that ...

other adult alterhumans talk about difficulties in indulge and express alterhuman identity as , well , adult who need to work and move through society . teenage descriptions of how to embrace during school hours , or how to find places to hang out safely and signal to potential friends , still important but no longer resonate - in some part due to differences in school and work environments , as well as different obligations and freedoms or lack thereof . 

but kossai have different perspective , as disabled and unable to work . have all of this " free time " to do anything that wish with , but have to fight against things like chronic pain , low energy , and weakness . usually easy measures of indulgence and expression can actually be quite hard - always love to sit outside or to get driven around , but ability to do even that depend on levels of pain and weakness . sometimes just have to settle for open window and wistful gaze . 

also have to deal with medical systems and clinical eyes on more regular basis than most others - actually part of shower aide program , as unable to do that alone . in similar way to work environments , even small expression of alterhuman identity can be unsafe . in this case , would risk lose position in program if any of workers make choice to say not really disabled . 

see , consensus of kossai is that many struggles this body deal with stem from nonhumanity , from faerie traits that stretch and squish to try and fit boxes of what human body should do . this is well and good for " private opinion " , but not exactly safe to express clinically . at best , might treat like also have schizophrenia on top of everything ... and that is very loose at best , given intense amounts of control at play with this diagnosis . at worst , would strip away all of help , under assumption of no real physical struggles at all . 

this is why also push so hard that , no matter how unrealistic identity seem to others , need to have spaces to express this without constantly tag and make disclaimers , even if this put at odds with those who need to avoid triggers . already need to do that enough in private parts of life , to always medicalise experiences so others will decide whether or not to give help and respect . absolutely need breaks to just say thoughts and feelings as exist , not to filter through what others will find medically acceptable - otherwise , internal sense of personhood and/or reality can genuinely shatter and leave in far worse state . 

as for general public expression ... honestly , already very used to dirty looks , on basis of visible disabilities and gender-sex variance . while kossai do not really have wearable gear aside from some game night accessories , in theory would not be much different from what experience now . people judgmental enough to give dirty looks in first place would continue to do so , and others generally would not . at worst , those less-judgmental people accept as " another cute quirk " to giggle about - at best , outrightly compliment and praise . 

not really any good way to end this post , just ... in some ways struggle to relate to even other adult alterhumans about this subject . which is fair , everyone is different , but can still feel somewhat lonesome .

sometimes feel inexplicable urge to death drop for no reason other than to death drop . unfortunately , spine . still occasionally flop over anyway , but just not same .